by Sami Yacoub
Part of When Children Choose Series:
When Children Choose 1 When Children Choose 2
When Children Choose 3 When Children Choose 4
No parents can claim to have raised perfect children, boys and girls that never make mistakes and never face the same struggles as their peers from behavioral issues to making challenging choices which differ as they get older and which sometimes contradict what we want for them with what they want for themselves and their futures.
We all must have experienced our children misunderstanding us at least once and not appreciating our care and love in the way that we expected. They must have at some point and in a moment of flurry said things that deeply hurt us or accused us of the last things we, the ones who had raised them in an environment of mutual love and respect, had expected to hear from them.
I think some misinterpret the meaning of Proverbs 22:6 “Start children off on the way they should go (early on in their lives), and even when they are old (mature) they will not turn from it.” The passage here does not claim that children will not rebel against the principles on which we have raised them, but that when they have matured they will not veer away from them. We must not forget that we also rebelled against certain things in our childhood and that each of us has grown in a way that is different from how others came to grow and at a different rate. The Bible is not so naive as to assume humans all respond with the same reaction to outside influences as robots. On the contrary, the word of God asserts the uniqueness of each individual in their reactions based on the free will granted to us so that we may choose and bear the responsibility of the choices we make. However the passage of Proverbs 22 does give us hope that the son or daughter who may swerve away from the way they have been raised will, in most cases, eventually return to it.
When children reach a crossroads and attempt to make decisions for their futures, we may be surprised by their rejection of our inputs and their dismissal of that with which we may advise them. We may not always realize that this negative response is not necessarily directed at us in a personal way, but may be spawned by emotional pressures or a pledge they made to themselves in a rush or without thinking prompting a harsh and unexpected reaction. This sometimes happens despite them being convinced deep down of their parents’ opinions, but their fear to seem as though they are not up to the task or responsibility with which they were charged leads them to rebel. Additionally, the opinions of others about them are of major importance to them which explains their resistance to our direction in inexplicable, and sometimes ugly, stubbornness. Because children do not generally expect aggressive reactions from their parents, they may in their ferocity speak callous and cruel words which they would never dare use with strangers even if they disagree with them.
In any case, there is no deeper hurt or worse offense than those which come from our loved ones. Facing Satan’s attacks on us is one thing and the stones with which our children may throw us when we disagree with them is another. The wounds from close ones are much more atrocious than those we sustain while in our daily life in the outside world. If you are a parent who has experienced or is still suffering this type of pain, I ask you to recall with me the experience of the one who went through the most unbearable pains yet forgave His loved ones who shot Him to kill with their rejection and continued to love them eternally.
The Heavenly Father allowed His son Jesus Christ to suffer for the sake of our salvation. It was most excruciating that the ones he loved and came for rebelled against Him, betrayed Him, and handed Him to be crucified. In their acts the prophecy of Zachariah came true: “‘What are these wounds on your body?’... ‘The wounds I was given at the house of my friends’” (Zechariah 13:6).
When the carpet is pulled from underneath our feet with no introduction, we are shocked at the lack of gratitude; we are hurt by the rejection; and we are discouraged at the harshness of the accusations. Let us then remember our Lord Jesus who drank the same cup. He is now the only one who can stand by every father and mother whose children have turned away from them: “For this reason he had to be made like them in every way, in order that he may become merciful…because he himself suffered when he was temped, he is able to help those who are being tempted” (Hebrews 2:1-18). This passage carries an encouragement and consolation that goes further than Jesus understanding our feelings of disappointment, but stresses that He is the loving friend who walks with us in all of life’s circumstances as a brother close to us (Proverbs 18:2). He alone never betrays, He who is faithful to His promise not to disregard or leave us. He does so in grace regardless of our faithfulness to Him.
As a father, I am no exception to the trial of children snubbing parental advice in insistence and stubbornness. If you feel disappointed that one of your children has turned their back on some wise advice you gave them thinking they would accept it with joy and allow it to sustain and protect them, you are not alone! But as a father who loves deeply, I cannot give up easily or dismiss my responsibility. I have learned in easy and difficult days to turn from my anger at my children’s unruly attitudes to praying for them with their mother knowing that anger does not bring God’s righteousness. As parents, we could not find anything more wonderful than the intercessory prayer in the gospel of John chapter 17 and verses 1 through 19 to lift up to the Heavenly Father in our own words in a plead for our children:
“Lord we know that our sons are gifts from you, and we have tried to teach them since their childhood to belong to you first. Please help them remember the things we taught them and remind them always that all we have is from you and not from us. Heavenly Father please help them to stand firm in the truth we believe in as a family and in the faith we have taken from our fathers: that Jesus Christ is your son whom you have sent us so he can save us. God we realize that all we have is yours, including our sons. So we ask you to protect them in the power of your name so that we can be single-minded with them and with you so that you may be glorified in their present and future lives. God we have tried to teach them your ways; forgive us for every time we have failed, and help us to accept the forgiveness that we have in your son Jesus so that we may be freed from the burden of guilt. Lord we pray that our children may experience the joy that comes from a personal relationship with you. We do not ask for an easy life for them, but we pray that you may protect them from the evil of this world. Make them holy with the power of your truth as they walk in truth and commit to it every day of their lives. You made them in their mother’s womb and blessed them in Jesus Christ before the creation of the world. You sent them to this world to become a living testimony to proclaim your truth wherever they are. Amen”
To every parent raising a son or daughter, whatever their age…May the implications in these words be what you ask for your children in daily prayer as they grow in your midst. Then wait for the work of God and His salvation in their lives.
To be continued next time…
Copyright © 2012 Focus on the Family Middle East. All rights reserved. Originally published in Watani Paper 2.9.2012.
