by John Blasé
Part of The Power of Fathers Series:
1-The Power of Fathers 2- The Power of Presence
3- The Power of Perseverance 4- The Power of Permission
5- The Power of Perception 6- The Power of Pointing
It's important to demonstrate to our children how to be, and how things work, and what things are. We always set an example to our children, and we need to explain the world to them — point them in the way they should go.
"It's not nice to point."
- Mama
It's important for a father to draw his children's attention to things outside themselves. That's why, with all due respect to Mama, it's OK to point. I think she'll understand.
The lines that follow are from Wendell Berry's The Hidden Wound. First, Berry is describing Aunt Georgie, an influential figure from his childhood:
She was always showing you something: a plant, a bloom, a tomato, an egg, an herb, a sprig of greens. Suddenly you saw it as she saw it – vivid, useful, free of all the chances against it, a blessing – and it entered shadowless into your mind. 1
Berry talks also about his grandfather, pointing out hired hand Nick Watkins:
He admired him…and was always pointing him out to me as an example: "Look a yonder how old Nick sets up to drive his mules. Look how he takes hold of the lines. Remember that, and you'll know something." 2
Berry was graced to have grown up in a world populated by phrases like "Look a yonder" and "Look how" and "Do you see that tomato?" He lived a life in the present that was sculpted by the power of pointing to the past. There are many who describe Wendell Berry and his writings with one word: wise.
Fathers, the power to point is accessible to us in two ways. We've got to look firstand then have the presence of mind to point it out to those entrusted to us. This doesn't happen overnight; it's a gradual learning, especially if you did not have an Aunt Georgie or Grandfather Berry in your life. But just because something is gradual doesn't mean it's impractical or unattainable.
So first we've got to be looking ourselves. Are you aware of your surroundings? Do you pay attention to things outside of yourself? Do you stop, look, and listen? Living this kind of a life involves slowing down. There's no way around it. Now if you're like me, you've already got lots of people telling you to slow down and savor life. Most days that seems utterly impossible; there is so much good to do for those we love. But if you're like me, then you also know the truth of the saying that "good is often the enemy of great."
Fathers, we'll blink and they'll be graduating from college, walking down aisles and stepping into marriage, welcoming their own children home from the maternity wing. Sunrise, sunset. It goes so fast. The lyrics to an old song should haunt us all; our children might grow up to be "just like me." If you're going to slow down, then carpe diem; today's the day to begin. Don't run yellow lights. Turn off e-mail on the weekends. Whatever you need to do, do it.
I firmly believe the last thing a father needs these days is another voice yelling, "You're not doing enough!" Some days we don't have time; some weeks we're gone on business trips; some moments we miss things right in front of our noses. What's a father to do?
If you noticed, the showing/pointing people in Berry's life were not always his father. Berry's grandfather filled that role at times, as did his Aunt Georgie. I, in no way, want to diminish the power that you have as a dad in pointing out people and places to your children. I hope you won't diminish it either. At the same time, I want to encourage you to make certain that your children spend time in the presence of others you know that possess the power of pointing. I'm not sure it always takes a village, but there are days when a Grandfather Berry or an Aunt Georgie are indispensable to our children remembering and learning and knowing.
Gentlemen, you don't always have to do it yourself. I just want to point that out.
1Wendell Berry, The Hidden Wound. North Point Press, San Francisco, 1989, p. 73.
2Wendell Berry, The Hidden Wound. North Point Press, San Francisco, 1989, p. 2
Originally appeared on the Focus on the Family website. Copyright ©2008, John Blase. Used by permission
