Question:
We’re facing a crisis in our home. Our child is terrified of the school bus. The school is too far away for him to walk, and my wife and I both work, so it isn’t feasible to drive him back and forth every day. What can we do?
Answer:
It would be helpful to have some more information about your child’s background and some of the specific factors that might be causing his fear of the school bus. Did some kind of traumatic incident occur on the bus? Is it a problem with bullies? Does the bus driver yell at the kids and threaten them? Your child’s fear could be based on any one of these things, but without further details we can only assume that what he’s really afraid of isn’t the bus at all. It’s separation from mom and dad.
Many children engage in something that psychologists call “school refusal.” They’ll whine, kick and scream, resist getting out of the car when you arrive at school, or refuse to enter the classroom. Unfortunately, there are some parents who inadvertently reinforce this avoidant behavior by giving in to their child’s protests. This only compounds the problem.
There’s just one way to find out if something happened on the bus that scared your child: you’ll have to have a conversation with him, with the bus driver, with the bus supervisor, and perhaps with the bus driver’s supervisor if necessary. If somethingdid happen, you’ll need to discuss the experience with your child and enlist the driver and supervisor’s help to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
If, on the other hand, there was no such incident – if, for example, your child has never actually ridden the bus but is simply afraid to get on it – the issue is most likely “school refusal” and fear of separation. In that case, there’s only one thing to do: bite the bullet and lovingly but firmly insist that he get on the bus and take it to school.
Here’s one way you might make that first ride a little less traumatic. Try to find out who rides on the same bus with him, perhaps by calling the bus supervisor. It may help your son if he knows that one of his friends, classmates, or neighbors ride the same bus with him. If that is not the case, you may ask the bus supervisor to have him sit next to her to ease his fears a bit. Either of those options should make it much easier for him to get on the bus the next morning.
If he does protest and cry the next day, you won’t be helping anything if you give in and drive him to school. That will only sabotage your authority and set a bad precedent for the future. It will teach your child that all he needs to do is protest loudly enough, and mom and dad will give in to his every demand. To avoid a situation like this, lay down the rules clearly in advance and then make up your mind to stick to your guns.
Furthermore, a volume that may prove extremely helpful to you is our Physicians Resource Council’s Complete Book of Baby and Child Care, which includes a section on “School Issues” that will provide you with some more helpful tips. The book is available at several Christian bookstores .
Copyright © 2010, Focus on the Family. Used by permission.
