Question:
Our toddler is having a difficult time adjusting to his new baby brother. He whines and cries for Mommy all the time, and lately he’s been misbehaving as a way of getting our attention. How can we help him feel loved and secure?
Answer:
The first thing you need to know is that this is perfectly normal. Since the day he came into the world your older child has been the center of attention in your home. Now a screaming, crying little stranger has suddenly appeared on the scene and usurped his role, demanding huge amounts of your time and attention. It’s only natural that he feels a bit put out.
There are several strategies you can adopt to help him through this difficult period of adjustment. In the first place, it’s going to be important for dad to assume a more active, involved role with both toddler and baby. When mom is nursing or tending the infant, her husband should engage the older child in some kind of fun one-on-one activity, giving the boy his full attention and resisting the urge to throw in the towel if he starts whimpering or calling for Mommy. On the other side of the coin, father should give mother frequent breaks in the business of changing, rocking, burping, and generally caring for the baby. That will enable her to spend some special time with her toddler each day.
It’s worth mentioning that many parents notice some regressive behavior on the part of their toddler after a new baby arrives. For example, the child may try to climb into the infant’s crib or suddenly forget his potty training skills. One way to nip this in the bud is to affirm your toddler for his “grown-up” capabilities and point out some of the advantages of being older. You might say something like, “You’re such a big boy now! You can go to the club and ride on the swings. The baby is too little to do that.” As you’re aware, your older child needs to be reassured that he’s special and unique. So let him know that you love him and praise him generously when he’s helpful or kind toward the baby.
Since you now have two little ones in the house, we’d highly recommend that you procure a copy of a wonderful book prepared by Focus on the Family’s Physicians Resource Council. It’s called The Complete Book of Baby and Child Care, and is available in both English and Arabic. To order it, please contact us.
Copyright © 2010, Focus on the Family. Used by permission.
